Summertime

Feels something like summertime
Top down and nothin' but time
Radio's on and your by my side
Feels something like summertime


My List:

1. Visit the Montague Book Mill
2. Ascend Mt. Greylock
3. Eat at the Sonic in Peabody
4. Meet an interesting man in central MA
5. Go camping, in a tent.
6. Attain tickets to the John Mayer concert in Mansfield
7. Make a depressed child fall in love with UMass
8. Ride a horse (again)
9. Drive to P-Town
10. Re-learn Chemistry
11. Make the digits on the scale equal 3, again
12. Go to Fenway for a game
13. Find a canoli I don't like
14. Give the Blackberry a larger role in my life
15. Jump off of a rock, into a body of water
16. Find a constellation
17. Re-think my life
18. Hit 90mph
19. Learn a basic conversation in Polish
20. Find and use roller-blades
21. Climb Mt. Tom... successfully.
22. Drive West.
23. Overcome my fears of seaweed and butterflies.
24. Get my feet back. And maybe my heart.
25.


Making lists- both a strength and a weakness. We'll see how this goes...


These days life goes like this
Wake up, check that off of some list
Gotta be a little something more than this
The botton of my coffee cup

Lies

Some lie in the face of death
Some lie about their fame
Some kneel and lie to God
Some lie about their name

Some lie in words and speeches
With every living breath
The young lie with their guitars
The old lie for a little respect...

Listening to some Elton John this morning, I gained new perspective. Not that I hadn't listened to this song before, but I had never stopped to really think about it. 

Everyone lies. Fact of life. Whether it's a little white lie that you get forgiven for at confession, or a lie about your life that you never regret telling- everyone lies. 

But, for a moment, let's think about what it is that we lie about. For me, I can pinpoint the lies I've told this year on one hand. I've lied to my parents about my test grades. I've lied about my opinion on a piece of clothing. I've lied about what I think of a certain song. And, I've lied to my sister about where money comes from. So now, where do these lies come from? Why do I speak untruths? 

The truth is, I've lied to keep my parents happy. I've lied to keep my friends happy. And I've lied to save myself from giving a ten dollar bill to a four year old. 

But these are only one person's lies, one person's reasons. Imagine the extent to which some people may lie. For some, lies may surround their entire lives. Lies may be the only thing they let other people see. To hear the truth themselves, they may be too afraid, or, for that matter, ashamed. 

So, if fear or shame or any other emotion can dictate lies, can it also dictate truth? Should it dictate truth? To me, the truth is like the dark. Innocent, and free of any instigation. The lies create the light. Thus, the absence of lies allows the truth to prevail. 

Therefore, the answer is no. Neither fear nor any other emotion or ultimatum should instigate truth. Truth should be all that is left after the reasons behind one's lies disappear. 


But what happens if those reasons never disappear? What if someone is too insecure, too afraid, too angry... What if their entire outward life is a lie? Who would know? 


Who would help?




No one. 




And we lie, lie, lie on a streetcar named desire
Oh we lie, lie, lie for that sweet bird of youth
I could be great like Tennessee Williams
If I could only hear something that sounds like the truth.

Write Me a Letter

Write me a letter,
Write me a letter,
Write it today,
I'm goin' away...


Communication today has, unfortunately, commercialized and has become something very impersonal and under-appreciated.

If I had all the time in the world, I would make certain that I call all of the people I care about at the very least, once a week. But in this world we live in, that just isn't practical anymore. Be it for better or worse, people today do not have enough time to appreciate communicating with their loved ones.

Facebook, Twitter, and other social-networking tools have obliterated personal communication on an entirely new level. Now, people can say they keep in touch with others, when really, all they're doing is following status updates. What does that say about society? What does it say about the evolution of mankind? Have we become so busy that we are now all uncaring, disengaged acquaintances? I certainly hope not.

While I, too, have lost myself in the realm of a busy collegiate atmosphere, I still manage to find time to write letters and make phone calls. It's essential, really. I very rarely see some of the most important people in my life. I make sure that I call my parents every few days, my cousins every week, and my friends as often as time allots. In addition, I write letters to certain friends so that they understand that I care about them enough to put in the effort to do so, even when I don't have the time to sit down for a phone call.

Following a mini-feed on Facebook, or following a friend on Twitter do not and can not compensate for staying in touch. It's lazy and very impersonal. Speaking bluntly, not making any efforts past social networking show that you couldn't give two dimes about some people. We all run out of time, we're all busy people. The human race today is the most active it ever has been. However, that shouldn't stop us from caring about people. It shouldn't stop us from involving ourselves in the lives of those we love. And most of all, it shouldn't stop us from communicating personally.

So make a phone call and shoot the shit. Write a letter and sign it with love. Make the effort to show people you care, and maybe... just maybe... you'll make someone's day.

Well I've been away forever
Suicide's crossin' my mind
Well I'll never, never get so far behind
Well I've been so many places
Hidin' from the wind and the rain
But you could write me a letter
For to save me from goin' insane...

With A Little Help From My Friends

What would you think if I sang out of tune,
Would you stand up and walk out on me.
Lend me your ears and I'll sing you a song,
And I'll try not to sing out of key.
Oh I get by with a little help from my friends






To be honest, I truly love so many people. People come and go as they may please, but only a handful of those people ever stop to notice the effect they've had on my life. 


Some may call it a problem- the fact that I can get so easily attached to someone so quickly, but I see it as a blessing. If I had the ability to go back and change my life, I wouldn't alter a single thing if it meant losing someone- even a mere acquaintance- in the end. 


My family and my friends (but moreso my friends) mold who I am and who I've become. And while I love the friends that I've had through high school with every bit of my being, I've also come to truly love the people I've been living with for the past three months. They've helped me grow so much as an individual, it really is unbelievable. 


In just one semester I've learned so much, but most importantly, I've learned to: 


Relax like TK
Bitch like Rob
Smile like Mike
Laugh like Elise
Care like Nick
Strive like Janam
and Love like Matt.


I don't know what I'd do without all of the people I've met this year. I don't know what I'd do without the friends I've had since high school. I don't know what I'd do without a little help from my friends... 


Cheesy, I know. 


But in all seriousness, I don't know... however I feel confident saying that I'll never need to wonder... 




Oh, I get by with a little help from my friends... 

Who You'd Be Today

Sunny days seem to hurt the most.
I wear the pain like a heavy coat.
I feel you everywhere I go.
I see your smile, I see your face,
I hear you laughin' in the rain.
I still can't believe you're gone.




One year. 


That's how long you've been gone; it's how long I've been missing you. 


Not a day goes by when I don't think of how my life would be different, had you lived. But then I think about the concept of fate and how this was all "supposed" to happen anyway.... 


However, that's all arguable, in its own right. Who knows if it was fate that took you away... Or if it was fate that brought me here... I guess we'll never know for certain, but it's all happened nonetheless. 


Shit happens, life goes on. 


Sadly enough, this is the phrase I've come to live by. If it's fate that's dictating our lives, I don't understand why it feels the need to be so awful. If it's karma that makes the world turn, I don't understand what I've done wrong. If some greater power is behind all of this, I wonder if it uses humans like pawns, acting only for its own entertainment.  


I just don't understand, which is why I try my best to live on a day-to-day basis. 


Today had me in tears. But tomorrow will be a new day. And if tomorrow doesn't work out so well, there's always the day after.


Life is a cycle of occurrences, and as one of my dear friends eloquently stated,


 "I am not the sum of my parts." 


Chew on that. 

Help!

...I need somebody!
Help, not just anybody,
Help, you know I need someone, help.

When I was younger, so much younger than today,
I never needed anybody's help in any way.
But now these days are gone, I'm not so self assured,
Now I find I've changed my mind and opened up the doors.

Help me if you can, I'm feeling down
And I do appreciate you being round.
Help me, get my feet back on the ground,
Won't you please, please help me?




Where does one begin? College. 


College begins the actual shaping of the rest of one's life. It molds character, illuminates flaws, and extracts a combination of both basic humanity, and general asshole-ness. College can change our lives in so many subliminal ways that even after one semester, we can begin to notice differences in the ways we think, act, and live. 


Nearing the end of semester one at UMass, I can honestly say that I have changed in so many ways. At the present moment, I'm not quite sure if it's been for the better or not... but changes have happened nonetheless, and I must embrace them with the grace and dignity I was raised with. I've begun to think on a broader spectrum, take nonchalant stances on senseless dilemmas, and use all of the advice I never cared to follow. 


This brings me to my present need for advice...


Being as broad as possible, I currently find myself unsure of a certain decision I've made in recent days. However, I'm unsure as to whether I'm actually unsure or not... sticky, I know. 


Mind you, the decision I made would have been completely out of the ordinary for who I was this time last year. 


I've forever been a person who enjoys consistency in life. Familiarity was my friend while Change was always the devil. The sheer fact that I wouldn't have made this decision last year leaves me in an uneasy state of mind. But what do I do? I've assembled pro/con lists, pursued the advice of close friends, and even flipped a coin... all of which have told me that the decision I made was right. 


Perhaps I should just shrug this feeling off and hope, with all of my will, that this awkward sensation says "goodbye" in good time...




And now my life has changed in oh so many ways,
My independence seems to vanish in the haze.
But every now and then I feel so insecure,
I know that I just need you like I've never done before.